I shall remember the deeds of the Lord; surely I will remember Your wonders of old. (Psalm 77:11, NASB)
After swinging the clubs 80 zillion times over the years, one would think we could repeat the swing consistently. Teachers talk of building “muscle memory.” But somehow, our muscles don’t always remember.
I was reminded of my spiritual lack of memory about a week ago. While reading through Psalm 65, I ran across the word “awesome,” and it reminded me of lessons learned.
There was a time, years ago, when I started a new job as a recruiter in downtown D.C. My company had only just opened its doors, and I was one of the first hires. We had just returned from 12 years in Germany and were experiencing major culture shock. On top of that, I had to learn a new business and had been warned it would be the most difficult job I had ever done. That warning turned out to be true.
Those early years were, in fact, the hardest years of my business life. Then the recession of the early 90s hit. Recessions are not kind to new recruiting firms, and after four years, we had to close our doors. I realized, though, that it was the right industry for me. While I had my eye on starting my own recruiting firm, I just couldn’t see how to make it happen. So I went to work for another, more established firm.
But things did not work out so well there. After just four weeks, it became clear this new company was not a match for a variety of reasons. I was frustrated with work, with adjusting to life in America, and yes, with God. I wondered where this failure was taking me.
Fortunately, that night I was reading through the Psalms. I remember this moment very clearly because about the time I was deciding this new job was not going to work out, I was also reading about how God’s deeds were “awesome.” Psalm 66:3 told me I was to say to God, “How awesome are your works.” Really? After four very difficult years with no end in sight, I wasn’t buying it. I remember closing my Bible and telling God, “I am tired of reading how awesome your deeds are and not seeing it.” I was done.
The next day, I went into the office and called my old boss. The first thing she did was ask me why I had taken that job. She then asked me why I hadn’t started my own company instead of going to work for someone else. In one minute, she had put her finger on the desire of my heart. I sat in silence, speechless. I had no idea how God had done it or how he would make it happen, but I knew my path forward was now crystal clear. I realized God had been with me in all my struggles to bring me to that point. His handiwork was, in a word, “awesome.”
I hadn’t thought back to God’s handiwork then in a long, long time. This word has brought back other memories of God’s awesome deeds in my life. They have not always been fun, but they have all been for my good. He has faithfully brought me to where I am today.
Are you struggling to understand what God is doing in your life right now? He gets it. Frustrated and needing answers? He will answer in due time.
Prayer: God in heaven, thank you for being with me all these years, and thank you for the awesome works you perform on my behalf.