And immediately the rooster crowed a second time. And Peter remembered how Jesus had said to him, “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept. (Mark 14:72, ESV)
I stood on the tee for the Pastor’s Invitational scramble, and I was scared to swing the club. The event is a day of blessing for pastors who give to their communities (I was designated as such in my group) and they get to win all the prizes. For example, if one of my playing partners wins the closest to the hole contest, I get the goods.
Now back to why I was scared. A couple of days prior, I experienced the worst two scores of my competitive career. Disappointment doesn’t touch what I felt inside. I was coming off two weeks of working hard on my swing and I was looking forward to playing. Hopeful, even. After the first hole on the first day, everything fell apart. I acquired a case of the yips—an uncontrollable twitch occurring as the putter strikes the ball. My swing floated between two swing theories. My focus faded somewhere between time zones. I wanted to walk off the course several times, and it took everything in me to finish.
As I packed up my bag to travel home, I broke down and wept. I felt hopeless, humiliated, and empty. While I didn’t deny Jesus three times during my round like Peter, there was (is) a part of my spirit that felt crushed. I know golf is just a game, but the road back into competitive golf pokes something unknown within the inner healing work that Jesus continues to lead me through. (Please know that while I feel wounded, my mental health is intact.)
Jesus knew that the road ahead wasn’t going to be easy, and he invited Peter to return to relationship with Jesus and his own self.
I wonder what Peter did with his emotions in the aftermath of denying Jesus three times. In the book of Luke, we learn that Jesus turned and looked at Peter as the rooster crowed (Luke 22:61). What did Peter see in Jesus’ eyes? My guess is that he perceived judgment and felt shame. I believe Jesus was communicating compassion which, broken down, means to suffer with.
In the moment of Peter’s failure, he did not know Jesus would invite him to a buffet of fish on the shore of the Sea of Galilee (John 21:12-15). Jesus offered Peter both physical and emotional care. Jesus pressed Peter to be honest. Jesus knew that the road ahead wasn’t going to be easy, and he invited Peter to return to relationship with Jesus and his own self.
Have you ever experienced an epic failure? Did you (or do you) harden your heart and press on without considering the impact to your emotional and mental well-being? Did you or are you able to break down and weep like Peter? Failure hits me in a way that feels unredeemable, and it is hard to receive the compassion and kindness of Jesus. But Peter reminds me that our failures are redeemable. Jump into the sea and swim back to Jesus (John 21:7).
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Tracy Hanson
August 12, 2021
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The Links Daily Devotional appears Monday-Friday at www.linksplayers.com.
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