Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. (Proverbs 12:15, NLT)
I still look back at a decision I made at the final hole of a U.S. Amateur Qualifier several years ago as my most regrettable golf moment. I was playing exceptionally well in the second round of this 36-hole tournament and knew I had a chance to qualify as I was coming down the stretch. Unlike the tournaments on TV, I did not know where I stood in relation to the field, but I felt like I still needed one more birdie to secure my spot out at The Olympic Club based on the scores from Round 1.
When I approached the tee box of the final hole, I realized they were using an alternative tee box that I had never played from that was farther back and to the left, making an already difficult par-4 even tougher. “I’ve never seen that tee box before,” I said to my caddie, as I grabbed my driver out of the bag and marched back to it. I’ll save you from all the gory details and just let you know that I then proceeded to hit a poor drive and make a triple-bogey to finish two strokes outside the qualifying number. Ouch!
What I didn’t tell you is that the caddie I had on my bag was my dad, and even though he had never actually qualified for or played in a U.S. Amateur, he has, amongst many other golf accomplishments, won a U.S. Open! I had a very experienced and knowledgeable resource along with me, and at a critical moment I did not rely on or ask for his wisdom when I got to a place I could have used it. I never asked him where he thought I stood in the tournament or consulted with him on strategy from the unfamiliar tee box. Looking back, my regret is not in the execution of the golf swing I made off the tee, but rather for not asking for advice before proceeding on my own. My dad said afterwards that he felt like I was already inside the number to qualify and he was really wanting me to hit a fairway wood off the tee, but like any good caddie does, he kept his mouth shut unless asked for advice.
I know this is just a golf story, but I think there is a great parallel here to so many of the bad decisions we make in our life. There’s usually someone around us who sees the situation so much more clearly and could offer a lot of wisdom if we’d just simply ask and listen.
King Solomon, revered for his wisdom, wrote often about seeking counsel from others. He told his readers in Proverbs (12:15, 13:10, 15:22, 19:20) to not rely on their own wisdom. It’s because he knew how easy it was to get caught in the weeds of the details and events of life and lose track of the big picture. These “weeds” often bring about emotion and pressure, and emotionally-charged, pressure-packed environments are not ideal for decision-making. However, there’s someone around you that I am sure can see things with more clarity than you can if you’d just ask them.
You may be thinking, “My personal decisions are nobody’s business,” but it’s interesting how often private decisions have public consequences and ramifications beyond us. If you are being honest with yourself, you often already know what wise people are going to say, and you just don’t want to hear it. According to Solomon, that makes you a fool. Pride is the problem, and our success in one area of life often makes us think we’re competent in other areas. Eventually, even Solomon fell victim to this, because he failed to take his own advice of seeking wise counsel and made some very poor decisions that led to his demise as well as that of future generations.
Failure can be humiliating, and that is why we often avoid diving into the areas of our incompetence with others. But isn’t it true, that most of our failures stem from decisions we make alone. True humility and wisdom invites others into these areas and seeks their counsel.
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Josh Nelson
May 15, 2014
Copyright 2014 Links Players International
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